The Crush
by MariedeFrance
Summary: "I have a crush on you." Too late did she realize he may not know colloquialisms. "That's when-", she began but was interrupted by a strict short gesture of his hand. "I know what it means." He sounded offended.


**The Crush**

Training for young ninjas and kunoichi was always an oscillation between rough and pensive. One part meditation, one part assassination. And there was no one who loved training more than Neji. Leaping around, thinking on one's feet, then calming down to sit in perfect composure and identifying birds were right up his alley. Tenten preferred the part where she got to throw sharp or heavy and blunt objects at him. That was her forte.

Bustling activity filled the sandy training grounds encircled by thick trees, mimicking the battleground most common around Konoha. Until it went very quiet, then a light rustling of leaves indicated both opponent's cease-fire. Elegantly Neji climbed down a tree, whereas Tenten dropped to the ground in one less elegant but just as efficient manner. The sun had sunk below a certain point, so both parties knew it was time to go home. While assembling Tenten's vast arsenal, she abruptly stopped, saying:

"Neji, come here a sec." He retrieved the kunai he had bent down for and sauntered over.

"I got something to tell you", she announced needlessly. "You're not gonna like it."

At this prophecy he frowned.

"Are you sick?", he wondered.

Oww, she thought.

"That's sweet", escaped her lips, before she returned to her business-like manner.

"But, no."

Well, maybe it was a kind of sick, she conceded to herself. She had thought long and hard how to handle the situation, especially the part that involved telling her partner. In the end, she had decided that blunt and to the point was best. Neji would appreciate that, at least.

"I have a crush on you."

Too late did she realize he may not know colloquialisms. "That's when-", she began but was interrupted by a strict short gesture of his hand.

"I know what it means." He sounded offended. Tenten couldn't fathom why. It wasn't her fault and it was really more of a compliment than anything else, she reminded herself. So she ignored the advent of his bad mood and continued down her script.

"So it's better if we don't train together for a while. I've also handed in a request to not be paired with you until further notice. I've spoken to Guy and he seconded the request, so it should go through."

She rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, her hands crossed in a most usual manner. Everything else seemed the same about her as well. The same messy buns after practice, sheet of glossy sweat on her skin, the smell of dirt clinging to her like perfume. It were only her words that were unusual.

"Ok", Neji replied. He didn't seem to have much choice in the matter.

"So, I'll let you know when this has blown over?"

He nodded his assent.

"Oh, almost forgot", Tenten mentioned before she readied herself to leave. "I'd appreciate confidentiality on the matter. If you need a cover story, say I'm upset because you destroyed my favorite kunai and showed an absurd amount of insensitivity towards the matter." She chuckled. "That should be believable for anybody."

Again, Neji nodded, then watched her gather up her things, swing her weapon-heavy bag over one shoulder and head for the edge of the training grounds. He felt compelled to ask her something, though.

He called after her:

"Just one question", he promised. "Why?"

He seemed genuinely confused, but Tenten wasn't surprised. Seeing as he generally didn't have these emotional entanglements, naturally, he wouldn't know. So she told him why they couldn't train together anymore:

"It's distracting", she explained, smiled in her usual non-committal way, and left.

Neji was left to analyze the situation and reflect on his mistake. How could she have misunderstood him?

That was not the 'why' he had meant.

Why it bothered him so much, he could not comprehend. It was just a word, one word of the infinite English language. But he did not need to understand his motivation to carry out the task. On a mission to understand the misunderstanding Neji turned the matter over and over in his mind on his way home. By the time he had reached his home in the center of town he had a fair idea of how to proceed. After taking a much needed shower, he sat down at his desk and started writing down his plan. He would have to do some research on the matter.

To him this seemed obvious, everyone else would be having a bit of trouble with his research question though.

"Why would I ever - and I mean _ever_ \- have a crush on you?", Ino asked, completely non-comprehending. She sat opposite Neji in the café with a steaming tall cup of coffee engulfed by her slender fingers. He had asked her there the same day. Naturally, Ino had assumed he had fallen ill. He never asked her for anything.

"That is the question", he replied.

"Do you need help?", she enquired worriedly.

"Yes", Neji replied. "That is why I'm here. So?"

She still sat, mouth gaping, across from him, coffee untouched.

"Or rather, why would anyone", Neji specified after consulting his notes.

His cold, unfeeling exterior appeared healthy, Ino thought. Tentatively she put her hand to his forehead. This, he felt, was unwarranted. Like a cat he shied away from her touch.

"Stop that", he commanded. Ino did. Then she waved over a waiter and asked him to make a call for her. She turned back to Neji.

"Why _would_ anyone have a crush on you?", Ino inquired.

"Yes", Neji repeated exasperatedly. "That is the question."

"No", Ino returned. "That is _my_ question."

Neji thought he realized she was asking him to perform a self-reflective task.

"I have even features, an athletic figure, and my background offers me a certain amount of prestige." While this was plausible, it did not explain why Tenten had suddenly developed a crush. After all, these characteristics had been stable for him ever since he could walk.

Ino had decided to just go with the flow, and, in consequence, found the conversation fascinating.

"Uhuh. Add you're arrogant, selfish, insensitive, calculating, and a perfectionist with a nerve-wrecking family."

Neji listened acutely to her criticisms while she seemed to settle in and finally take a sip of coffee. After some consideration he demanded to know: "What's bad about being a perfectionist?"

Just then Sakura bustled into the shop, scouted them and rushed over.

"What did I miss?", she asked, signalling to the waiter to bring her the same thing her friend was having.

"I was just mentioning some of Neji's negative aspects."

"Oh, did you get self-involved?" Sakura mentioned.

"Yup, covered it with 'selfish'!"

"How about emotionally unavailable?"

"Ooohh!", exclaimed Ino. "That's a good one."

To Neji she said: Yeah, that, too."

What should have been a session on how it had occurred that one of his best friends felt compelled to sever contact with him, turned into something completely different; the conversation clung to his faults. Soon the two ladies were rambling on and on about his many shortcomings. He couldn't say he found the experience particularly pleasant. Slightly disappointed but not willing to show it, he extracted himself from the café without the two friends ever noticing. They just kept chatting on, like waves against his ego.

Dissatisfied with the evening's results, the warrior wandered through the dark streets of Konoha accompanied by a single nightingale, lost among the rooftops of his home.

"Oh, how I wish it was the lark in this case", he mumbled under his breath, yearning for the morning so this disappointing experience would already be over.

Automatically his feet directed him towards the outskirts of town, not his own home's direction. Cobblestone turned into cheap, loose gravel, crunching under his thin soles. He liked to feel the texture of the ground underneath him. It's not that he couldn't sense it by now but it was an old habit from when he was a child and still working on his technique. Even though he hadn't mastered seeing what he wasn't looking at yet, he had always craved absolute knowledge of his immediate surroundings. Coming to think of his shortcomings, this was probably another one. At least in social contexts; it annoyed people and made them uneasy. Luckily, he didn't care. Though Ino would have explained to him that this in itself was a con as well.

Neji had never quite been able to understand the principle of attraction. He was not an uncultured man. He had read Shakespeare, the Classics of Antiquity, Thomas Hardy, Jane Austen; it was part of the usual education for a young man of standing, so his uncle had insisted. Yet the most vital part, the reason for the stories' denouement, eluded him. He had no idea why Miss Bennet eventually gives in to the man with so many faults or why the farmer is so adamant about marrying Bathsheba. Nor does he understand the torment Psyche is inflicted with or the driving force of Antonius.

Finally, his feet came to a standstill in front of a two-story building, its facade high and daunting. But Neji had conquered it before and held no fear. Effortlessly he swung himself up the first length, climbing the raindrain and indentations within the house front's structure. Securely did his feet step for they had attempted this ascend many times. Upon arrival, his greeting was unlike any previous though.

"Did I dream our conversation earlier today?"

Tenten's voice was mocking and harsh. From his position behind the window he could only see the outline of her feet under the covers of her bed. Expertly his fingers pushed the window open by lifting the glass slightly from its socket, a trick she had taught him herself.

"You're not very nice to your crushes", he replied once he'd comfortably crouched on her windowsill, underarms loosely resting on his massive thighs.

"Well, right now they're showing an absurd amount of insensitivity. Unsurprisingly."

Her torso lifted itself from the sheets and she scooted to the end of her bed. She didn't sound amused nor angry, more resigned than anything else.

"If you find me just as revolting as Ino and Sakura, why is it that you have this ... crush?", he demanded to know.

She seemed surprised. Perked up on the edge of her bed, the linen of her nightshirt cascading down her thigh, not quite reaching her knee, she retorted:

"I don't find you revolting."

He didn't respond but with the raise of an eyebrow.

"I don't find you revolting at all", she repeated as she rose from her resting place. The moonlight illuminated everything but her since she was blanketed by his long shadow.

As her hands drew closer to his, he found himself accepting them into his large, hard palms. They were cold, so he held onto them more tightly than he usually would have. She placed her feet directly in front of the wall, toes lightly touching it. Then these toes lifted her up. Leaning against the window ceiling with her thighs, she had to put her head in her neck to look up at him. Otherwise he only would've seen the messy, zig-zag of her golden-brown hairline. The moment their lips touched was evanescent and, once over, both considered it unreal.

Tenten had sunk back onto her heels and Neji straightened his back again. They remained in this state of non-existence for a while.

Only now did Neji notice the diaphanous nature of her nightshirt and promptly let go of her digits. Just this once did he notice a social faux pas when he caught a glimpse of the hurt expression in her eye. Rubbing her hands for warmth, she was despised by her own revelation of being a silly ingenue. Hence, she quickly returned to her place of retirement. Neji opened his mouth but there was nothing to say. In conclusion, he could just sit there, perched on a windowsill not his own, engaging what some might have called illicit behavior. Her figure was unmoving under the blanket, the light had never been on. Nothing about this situation said 'welcoming', yet he felt compelled to stay.

Tenten, still close to mortified, was well aware of his movements. Petrified by the serendipity but consequent malheur of the situation, she remained until she hadn't perceived him for more than ten minutes. Convinced he must have escaped her bedroom more soundlessly than he'd arrived, she flung around to check.

Upon her chatoyant look, he locked eyes with her. Hers, obviously, didn't actually reflect the moonlight but, caught up in the novelty of the experience, it did seem that way to him.

"Are you just going to stand there?", she inquired, bold but unassuming as ever.

"You know, I never realized ... limerence is my favorite word of the English language."

"Is that so." Her statement sounded flat but provocative, if possible. Lissomely he dropped to the floor and walked over to her.

"Why are you doing this?", she wanted to know. His actions were completely inexplicable to her, but she couldn't find the motivation to forbid them.

"What can I say, you have witchcraft in your lips."

It was the first time either one had acknowledged the previous situation, albeit the manner in which he had done it was disappointing to her.

"Using someone else's words makes your statement hollow", she informed him. He felt regret at her judgment, but he had none of his own words for such an occurrence. The mellifluous sound of her breathing drew him in, her mouth was supple to the touch. His second kiss was much more substantial than his first. It _felt_ like a kiss, not some ephemeral condensation of unexpressed, unconscious infatuation. He considered himself in control of his actions; it was him etching towards her phalanges, tentatively encasing them. It was also him who leaned into her, caressing her cheek with one hand, marveling at the twitch of her orbicularis muscles. His thoughts were torn between a world of calculating exaction and chaotic emotion. He had no idea what he would have done had she not returned his advances - probably flagellate himself for his lack of respect - but he couldn't deny it felt a kind of peaceful to be in her personal space. Coyly her lips parted and her unoccupied hand enclosed his neck, holding on to him. Seemingly, it justified his following move, sliding onto the bed to be with her. She moulded her body to his, the limber moiety he was missing to his own. What he felt Plato could not have explained better with any amount of faces or limbs and godly wrath. It eluded sense. There was nothing but to give in.

Her nails clawed at his shirt, so he let her strip it off his back; her gown slipped up. Melded together, their navels aligned, forming one synergistic whole.

In an instance, they had laid each other barren before the other, body and soul. Concurrently, her skin was rough and soft to his touch, pulling him in with fending him off. His trembled under her fingertips for unknown reasons. Lips progressed to tongues, intertwined with one another. There was no escape. Her embrace forced him to stay close, tightly wound. Their breathing echoed in his ear, wrestling for dominance with his rushing blood. Tenderly and smoothly he entered her, moving was too daunting. Until she flexed her back, strong legs pulling him in. He had to shut his eyelids for fear of sensory overload, only to be tortured by phosphenes. The feeling of her was ineffable; whatever it may be, it was first drawn out and languish, then short and compact.

Afterwards, something lingered.

Neji lay there, hair in his mouth, his or hers he could not tell, in supine position trying to undress the sensation but it wouldn't shed its cover. Tenten next to him felt light as a feather; he hardly noticed her head on his shoulder but he was acutely aware of his heavy arm around hers. He could not move it for the life of him.

"I'm going to sleep now", she informed him. It sounded like a warning. He was stunned into silence. Why she did not want to discuss this mess of confusion and confliction was beyond him. The barren, unnamed ceiling was his companion for the rest of the night.

In retrospect, he hardly remembered anything of what happened further that night. Seeing as he had continued his life, he was aware that he must have left her apartment at some time but how and why he was unable to answer. Yet he did not disrespect her wishes another time. Instead, he kept to himself, did not engage Sakura or Ino's unhelpful help either. It wasn't easy for he wanted answers but he practiced the virtue of patience until it made his movements dull, his perception murky and his life unlike the one he had led before. In this time it was that he found her standing in front of his house door one evening. She was not in the habit of climbing walls uninvited. It looked as if she had been about to knock when he opened it to take out the garbage.

Wordlessly, he allowed her passage, went around the corner to complete his task, and returned. Upon entering he beheld her shadowy silhouette in the hallway, hair escaping from a messy bun, posture limp but not relaxed.

"It was just a crush." Evidently, she did not believe in wasting time. "But you had to come and turn it into this monster of a feeling."

Accusingly she thrust her arm out, offering a bottle of something clear and liquid. The label was peeled off beyond recognition.

"Here, drink with me." Upon his hesitation, she continued: "It wasn't a request."

They proceeded to his living room, a place of former easy companionship. Many an hour had been spent among the two of them here, sometimes even accompanied by their friends. It reminded him of how closely their lives were bound to one another.

They settled in on the big corner couch, Tenten's feet shoeless, closer than strictly necessary, and took turns drinking. After her fifth swig, she shifted her weight, he responded. Their knees touched, her toes curled.

"I want to vomit it up." She wasn't referring to the alcohol.

He was shocked. The thought hadn't occurred to him once. There it struck him, this sensation he'd been trying to figure out had been his reticent constant companion. So used to it that he couldn't even realize it when it was walking all over him.

"Vomit?", he croaked.

"Yeah", she confessed. "This feeling. It's this strain on my life and I just want to be rid of it. I'm not some school girl disappointed in life." She said it as if her feelings were associated with childish weakness.

He extracted his presence from hers by moving his leg slightly; it did not go unnoticed.

She said:

"Could you explain it to me?" Her tone was soft, wholly undemanding, unlike her.

"No." The finality of his answer took her aback.

"Ok." She took a deep breath. "Sorry for asking."

Consecutively, she stole the bottle from his hand and drank again. His hand followed the bottle and cupped her jaw; the look of anguished surprise was palpable. He leaned in.

"I would. If I could", he assured. Her inner world was absolutely sealed off from him, barricaded.

"But you said someone else's words only sound hollow."

"Try me."

"Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes."

"English, please, rich boy."

"It may be a bit inappropriate-" Her eyebrows rose. "But not the way you think", he interrupted her line of thought quickly. "It's about deception in love and whether to forgive the wrong's by a lover. But the line out of context just means no matter how much hurt is inflicted we'll still be friends."

The living room was so quiet for a moment they forgot where they were, forgot the entire village on the outside of their isolation, their friends and family. Tenten's mouth was agape.

"It's a line from a poem", Neji added helpfully. "Poetry is generally considered sensitive."

"Absurdly so", Tenten breathed, eyes locked on him.

"I don't know whether or not to laugh at you. Or to cry, for that matter."

"I've never seen you cry."

"No, Neji, you have not", she confirmed.

After a little more of astounded silence, Tenten began to speak again:

"At the risk of sounding like a cliche, but what does this mean?"

He shrugged.

"You realize who you are, right? Has something fallen on your head. Taken a tumble recently?" She sounded suspiciously like Ino. He shook his head.

"Because this isn't you", she informed him. "You don't go around sneaking into bedrooms to steal kisses. Among other things." She cleared her throat and took another swig from the bottle, then handed it to him.

"No, Tenten, it is not", he agreed by mimicking her earlier response.

She seemed to relax a little, as if this is what she had been expecting all along.

"Well, I'm glad that's cleared up then." She coughed again. "Now we can go back to not interacting for a while. Give it another month and I'll be back to my old self." She spoke carelessly as if they'd been discussing a sports injury.

Neji was adamant to avoid misunderstandings but he lacked the eloquence to make himself understood on these matters. His hand had abandoned her face a while back, but now he grabbed her arm.

"Why", he repeated. "Why do you have a crush on me? Of all people in this village, I've been given to understand, I am a grossly unsuitable target."

She gave him a look as if to indicate he was being particularly thick headed.

"It's not like I spent months deliberating on whom to bestow the dubious honor. It just happens. You see a person long enough, you start to notice how graceful they walk. Or the little lines on their neck, the pores of their cheeks. And suddenly you find yourself thinking about these things when they're not there. And you can't stop."

Neji seemed to listen intently.

"And then you realize how closely the other person stands by you. You realize that if someone asked you, you could tell 'em all about this person. Their favorite food, what they're like in the morning, which family members they get along with best." Here she interrupted herself briefly. "- herring soba, oblivious, and Hinata, by the way. - and before you know it you're neck-deep in crush land."

He nodded as if he understood, but his expression was blank.

"I agree with your weirdly sensitive quote. I'm your friend, but please don't take advantage of-"

"You're a fool, if you didn't perceive what was actually going on", he reprimanded her. Leave it to Neji to kick someone who's already down.

"'Scuse me?"

She was not usually one to have her feelings run away with her. That one time still afforded her some unresolved feelings, but that didn't mean she was going to take any of his usual insensitivities. So, she crossed her arms.

"Sesame dumplings, observant, and me."

Unfolding her extremities, he announced "Your friends are your family and you get along best with me."

Before she could comment on his arrogance, he had scooted over to her so close that their hips were squished up against one another.

His expression betrayed his actions.

"I have been intimate with you, quoted poetry, exhibited your symptoms of a crush. - What more is required?" His unfeeling, empty eyes were all too beautiful.

"I just don't get it", she confessed. Neji was not manipulative enough for cruel games, but it didn't add up. Crushes don't work both ways, almost by definition that is out of the question. She told him so.

"Crush." His voice was full of disdain. "I would never use such a mundane word. It sounds violent, too. Wholly inappropriate."

They sat the bottle on the floor, Tenten pulled her legs up onto the couch with her. While she remembered their unearthly, random nightly encounter, he just sat there. No one had initiated their kiss, it had just suddenly occurred between them like a phantasm. When she closed her eyes she could feel the pull again, as if a silage put them on an inevitable path towards one another. The manner in which he had kissed her, touched her, beheld her during their act of … love. She'd seen him attempt to lie. He was a terrible actor. She opened her eyes to his.

And suddenly there they were again. All alone in a room full of memories.

Their knees touched.

 _The End_

Disclaimer: The line of poetry Neji quotes is from Shakespeare's Sonnet 40.


End file.
